These are excerpts from the author’s book “Deep,” which contains eight of his small books published in the form of Wisdom Literature covering different aspects of life: Facing troublemakers, dealing with pain, personal financial issues, gastronomy, reading, criticizing, inspiring, and feeling always good to go.

Series 8: Life Painkillers

This week: Satisfying Everyone

Symptoms: Wishing you could actually split in half.

Diagnosis: Struggling to satisfy two disputing, stubborn persons who are close to you.

Painkiller:

• No matter how complicated and annoying it seems, remember that someone who is worthy of being close to you should make it easier for you to make a decision in one way or another. He or she should not just sit waiting for your decision as if putting you in a harsh test.

• Get moral and emotional support from someone who does not pressure you during the decision-making and shows understanding. In parallel, do not rush to take actions that might lead to losing totally the relationship with the convulsive person, even if that person seems to warn you against taking a position not in his or her best interest.

• With regard to preserving the relationship and the satisfaction of both parties, remember that the most important thing is to preserve the relationship in the long term. It is good to notice that the transient distress of any party as a result of your decision will have little impact in the long run.

• Beyond the topic of dispute, you will definitely find a way to satisfy the angry party as a result of your decision. Focus carefully on what suits that party and suits you within the reasons for appeasement. Do not rush to make a decision directly; perhaps it is better to allow some time to absorb the anger of the other party so that your appeasement does not seem like a cheap bribe.

Treatment:

• • It is wise to approach the problem calmly and without further provoking either party. But it is important to focus on the problem itself and not sacrifice any aspect of the radical solution to obtain the satisfaction of one of the parties.

• You should note that people’s satisfaction is not only an unrealizable goal but a purpose that must not be realized in the first place. When you try to please all parties in any case, you will lose a lot of your peace of mind and even some of your principles.

• Show intimacy and care about the relationship for both parties. You should not show any party your fear of his or her anger if you make a decision that might satisfy the other party. In order to be successful in this, you must not be afraid of the consequences of any thoughtful decision that you make.

• Do not hesitate to take a position that may anger both parties as long as you have considered all the alternatives and did not find a better decision than that position as a fair choice. The situation that angered both parties is not necessarily the worst decision.

• Often the failure to make any decision is nothing but an escape from the problem. In doing so, the two parties may get angry, and you end up with worse results than the options you were afraid of.

• The more you clear your mind of concerns about pleasing both parties, the faster the optimal solution will emerge.

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Dahab’s books are available on Goodreads and Booktasters are promoting them. This is the link to a trailer on “Damn the Novel,” his first book translated into English.